One thing that unsettles me - I'm not sure that's the right word but it's the closest I can come up with this late at night - about my writing is how it's developed over the years. These days I'm pretty quick to start up a conversation with a new person, but I used to be a total social hermit. I wouldn't talk to anyone I didn't already know really well, which was no one outside my family really, and it was during this curious phase that I started writing stories. If I couldn't be friends with any people - and back then I believed I couldn't - I'd make them up. Not healthy, per se, but it allowed me to function.
I enjoyed writing because it gave me a sense of control that I didn't have in reality, and I like to think that as I got better at it, it gave me the confidence to be more social, and once I did I enjoyed more success. There was one point where I was in a pretty heated "discussion" with a couple of friends, and I told them something I hadn't thought of before then, and it's something that to this day I wish wasn't true. I told them my writing was a better friend to me than most people I'd known.
Since then, hell just this past year, I think I've developed very good friendships with people, but it hurts a little knowing that I meant those words at one point .
Today marks the day where writing, my once best friend, has betrayed me. I put the 133rd page of the graphic novel into my script today, breaking the 200-page mark. I think I need 20 more pages to finish it, but I've been saying that for over 30 pages. I will need to blitz this project if I want to have a first draft done by the end of the weekend, leaving me less than a week to edit it, format, print, and bind it for submission, edit my critical rational for submission, buy my plane ticket home, and pack up everything for when I move out next Saturday. Duncan, my flatmate this past year, expects to have everything done, edits and all, by end of this coming Sunday. I do not want to die, I just find myself questioning my apparent obsession with living.
I am about to play a role playing game with some friends online, friendly alcohol at my side, in an attempt to relieve some of my stress. Hopefully it'll be enough to offset the fact that I'm staying up until 3 to do so.
